There Is a Cure for the DM Doldrums

Getting real about the DM doldrums or is it DM dizziness? Or just a whole lotta discombobulation?

Look, I get it, lots of us are in the DMs these days trying to make real connections and see if we can help the people we meet with our services.

But, some people are ruining it for everyone else …

Like the person who literally sends me a six-paragraph message THE SECOND I accept their friend request and then follows it up with, “Would you be AGAINST getting on a call with me to discuss this offer?”

And then follows up with the same question two more times if I haven’t responded within a few hours.

Yeah, OK. We don’t know each other. I’m not going to read a long post with links and then “hop on a call.”

Or like the person who starts out, “Hey hun” or “Hey babe.” I’m from New Jersey. DO I LOOK LIKE A ‘HUN’? Do you think ‘hun’ would ever come out of my mouth?!

Just, no.

Or the one who’s like, “Hey, tell me about your business.”

So I reply, “I’m a conversion copywriter.”

They say, “That’s AMAZING.” In all caps.

So what’s so AMAZING about being a conversion copywriter? And you know they’d say that if I said I was a dog-poop-picker-upper or a pig farmer.

AMAZING!

The next question is: “So what’s your biggest pain point in your business?”

I could say, “I’m trying to get more leads,” “I’m trying to connect with the right clients,” “I’m trying to increase my social media presence,” or even “I’m really trying to get whiter teeth so I look happier and more perfect in videos.”

So their response, “We can TOTALLY help with that. Let’s get on a call.”

Yeah, OK. You’re the 18th person today who told me you can get me 50 booked calls with leads in a month.

Guess what? I’m a boutique (read: ONE PERSON) firm who doesn’t have the time or desire to talk to 50 leads a month.

But my biggest issue with that type of fishing is that they never ASK what else I’m doing or have done or plan to do to work on that issue.

Like I just hired a coach or am working with a coach I like, I’m not interested in “hopping on a call” so you can tell me that what I’m doing isn’t working (when you’ve known me for like 5 minutes).

Or this one: "I saw you LIKED or commented on my post. What resonated most with you?”

Um, OK. So now every time I like or comment on a post, I’m gonna get questioned in the DMs to go deep on why I did it?

As an aside, here’s what I do … if someone likes my post, I send them a friend request. If someone comments, I send them a friend request and then respond to their comment, either thanking them for their comment, responding to it, or asking if I can DM them to continue chatting.

Or this one: “What inspired you to friend me or accept my request?”

That’s an existential question, huh?

So now I have a canned response about using Facebook more like LinkedIn to connect with other entrepreneurs and business owners in the digital space … but this isn’t like a dating app.

Yeah. Let me take a breath.

The DM doldrums. The dizziness. The discombobulation. It's real and it's here for now.

But there is a way out!

Being a Human in the DMs

I’m not going to position myself as some kind of convo-in-the-DMs expert, but I’ve been doing it for a while and want to share a few common-sense tips I’ve learned along the way:

1. Don’t go into a conversation with a canned and rabid gotta-sell-you script.

People recognize those immediately. Look, there’s nothing wrong with building a rapport and then asking some questions about the person’s business to see if you can help. But remember! Ask them what they’re doing or have tried or plan to try before you propose your solution or getting on a call.

2. But, have canned responses at the ready.

Like if people always ask what you do, have a few lines written that you can cut and paste. So mine is: I'm a conversion copywriter who helps biz owners find hidden revenue in their companies by optimizing their websites, sales/landing pages and email funnels with the right messaging, brand voice and copy.

You might also want to have responses that explain your solution, your why and anything else that you ask frequently. While you can cut and paste, it’s also a good idea to then customize the response.

3. Go into conversation with the desire to connect and serve first, not sell.

If you’re sweating the “I-gotta-make-the-sale” all over your keyboard, they’ll sense it. And get turned off. I strive to make a real connection with someone. If they share they’re having an issue, I’m happy to do a little brainstorming with them in the DMs and then transition into a strategy call if it makes sense for both of us.

4. Finally, just put plain old good content on your personal wall and in groups.

If you’re showing up consistently and putting out great value-lade information around your expertise that can help your potential customers, they’ll start reaching out to you. I have people regularly in the DMs saying, “I love your posts. I just wanted to talk further about X, Y, Z.”

The Throughline Is the Words

If you zoom out, most of the DM nonsense comes back to one thing: people don’t know how to communicate what they do — or why it matters — without jumping straight to the pitch.

That’s not really a DM problem.That’s a messaging problem.

When your website copy, offers, and positioning are clear, you don’t need to ambush strangers in their inboxes or force awkward conversations that skip five steps ahead. The right people already understand what you do. The conversations that do move to the DMs feel easier, warmer, and a lot less dizzying, because there’s context.

This is the work I do as a conversion copywriter and content creator. I help business owners map the gaps between what they think they’re saying and what their audience is actually hearing — on their websites, sales pages, emails, and yes, even in their DMs. The goal isn’t more noise or more calls. It’s better-fit conversations that happen naturally because the words are doing their job long before anyone asks to “hop on a call.”

If reading this made you think, “Oof, I might be contributing to the DM doldrums,” or “I know my messaging could be clearer than this,” you’re not alone — and it’s fixable.

You don’t need a new script. You need better alignment between your voice, your offers, and how you show up.

And that’s a much better place to start.

If you'd like to see if we're a match, book a 15-minute call with me.